Momma Gotta Work!

So, May 2017 marks the end of my maternity leave and I honestly am in two minds about this. I went on MAT leave in the beginning of August and by this time I was 1,000,000% ready. I am a beautician at Brazilian Waxing Company in Manchester England  (all my Manchester based babes come check us out). By beautician I mean I wax vaginas, oh sorry I mean flowers, allllll day long. I actually really enjoy what I do, YES! I like waxing vajayjay. I love making women feel sexy and confident about themselves. Ladies we all know when you look good, you feel good and when you feel good, the sex is good, aayy!!! I am constantly on my feet and let me tell you by the end of my pregnancy my feet was were HUGE  (sorry to all my BWC girls I was a mega BITCH in work those last few months, my bad). But I genuinely don't know how I feel about going back to work in May for a couple of reasons. 

The first and obvious reason is leaving Hendrix. I have left him at my mums here and there for a night or two... But my mother lives 4 doors away and I know i can go round there and see him when ever i like. Waitttt, you all thought I was going to move out, have a baby and live miles away from Jane Jenner Kardashian... HELL NO. But I'm really anxious about leaving him all day long. Am I going to miss out on milestones? Is he going to be OK in the care of someone else? What if they don't wipe his bum properly after he's done one of his famous explosive shits? I'm worried to death about all these things. He will be around 9 months when I have to return to work and I'm battling with myself about whether this is too young for him to be away from his momma. I feel guilty but I have to go back to work, we need to make money. I also need to go back to work for my own sanity. 

This leads me to my second reason; where I CANNOT WAIT to get back into work. Yeah I said it, I'm being real, I can't wait. As much as I'm worried about leaving him because I know I'm going to miss him, mommy needs to be able to spend a couple of days not worrying about wether the bottles are sterilised. Worrying about when the next feed is, or cleaning up the shit and sick. I need adult conversation not "goouuu gooouuu gaaagaaaa" (don't get me wrong, I love Hendrix and mine little chats about absolutely nothing) but I need a good little chin wag with my customers. If this makes me a bad mom then you can call me that if you wish, judge me, I don't care. I think this makes me human. Sometimes as mothers we get lost in the sauce, we get lost in Peppa Pig, nursery rhymes and those damn toys that don't ever shut the fuck up once you press the on button. We forget that before we were mothers we were working women. I was Lauren before I was a mother and I think it's essential for your own sanity to find a good balance between the two. Just because you had a kid doesn't mean you have to start acting like a nun and all you have to do & think about is kids stuff. It does not make you a bad mom to say "I need a timeout from my child". Look sometimes when Ryan is home, I will go to the toilet to pee and I will sit there for an extra 5 minutes because I need to be away from the kids just for a second to regather myself before my head explodes. Stay at home mothers I don't know how you guys do it. For real, do not think me saying all this is me judging you guys. I AM NOT, You are all incredible!! Being a mom is THE HARDEST JOB there is. It is also the most rewarding job EVER. To all you stay at home moms I bow down at your feet, YOU ARE THE REAL MVP's. I'm just saying personally it isn't for me, I'm excited to get back to work. 

When I think about it, Hendrix going to nursery for a couple of days... it scares the shit out of me BUT I also know it will help him in a lot of ways. He bloody loves going to play groups now and socialising with different babies (aka flirting with all the little girls, he's definitely his fathers child). It will do him good to have a break away from me, he is probably sick to death of me bothering him all day. As much as I think he needs to be with his mum an dad 24/7 I do understand he needs to be away from us to help his personality develop and flourish. Being away from me isn't going to do him any harm and it will also help mommy find herself again.