I came across a meme the other day that listed a bunch of advice that post kid moms should tell pre kid mothers. This gave me the idea to write a list to myself. So this is my own list of advice that if I could I would give to pre kid Lo...
1. You DO NOT know it all, you do not have all the answers. You are actually an arsehole for thinking this to start with.
2. The whole "I'm not going to have any drug" shit is just ridiculous, you will have them all...them ALL. Every last one. (The gas and air is fabulous)
3. Sleeeeeeeep woman. Sleeeeeeeeep. Before you have kids sleep as much as possible. You and Ryan must sleep. Cannot stress this enough.
4. You thought you was prepared because you stocked up pure on diapers, bought a buggy early, bought lots of baby clothes, went to a baby fair...thought this meant you was ready right? HA girl BYE nothing can ever prepare YOU for this.
5. Your tits... arghhh well you didn't have the biggest rack to start with but they were better than what you're about to get, so appreciate them little thangs...because babe they do NOT stay that big. They will eventually look like saggy old socks (you know when you wash socks and one balls up at the bottom of the other.) Ohhhh and once your milk comes in your tits will leak Allllll the time, especially at night. It's annoying as fuck.
6. Always always trust your instincts. Do not listen to the damn midwife she isn't your son's mother. Never doubt your instinct, EVER.
7. Gurrrrl eat all the Mc Donald's you want, you will eventually look like you have eaten the old Lauren anyway. You will infact be THAT massive. Oh and you will get stretch marks everywhere BUT you will learn to love them so don't sweat it.... I almost forgot, your ankles will be non-existent. Appreciate your Achilles, you are not seeing them bad boys for a long ass time.
8. Why are you not sleeping?
9. All the shit gimmicky bollocks, like the thing that sticks up in the shower to hold all the bath toys... that shit DOES NOT WORK. You will also use the super hi-tech baby bath 3 times, it will then become a laundry basket.
10. Your life is about to change completely, you will have your ups and you will have your downs but trust me you will fuckin love being a mom. Even when he shits on you, pulls your hair, throws his bottle at the TV, wakes you up at stupid o'clock, that smile... the smile he gives you when you pick him up. The look of pure joy he gives you when you come home from work makes it all worth it. Don't wish the time away because they don't stay little for long. BUT Trust me motherhood is your destiny, you was made for this, you got this.
Now go nap 😘