So before I start I just want to make it clear, this blog life is not my lane so I beg you don’t crucify me if its shit or has pure grammatical errors. I’m Ryan, Lo’s partner in love, life, crime etc and I have absolutely no business writing on here. Lo has no idea and will find out the same time as you guys do once I’ve posted this on her behalf (I have her WIX login details as I’m usually one to edit and read over her blogs pre-post). Anyway this aint about me, (im sure you guys probably know about me already), this impromptu post is about Lauren and the past 72ish hours. She isn’t one to talk herself up, she very much will just talk or put up pics of shit she be doing and only after 22 thousand people like it does she realise it’s a big thing she’s doing lol. However I am not her. I will very much play my role of number 1 fan and gas the life out of her.
Monday night around 10pm I found myself sitting on the floor, holding a can of cider (not everyday ciroc boys and champagne papi), watching Homeland with Lo and her friend knockeddddddd out on the sofa behind me. Full on snoring, slumped under a mess of pillows, blankets and iphone charger wires. These are the same two people who messaged me after work to come meet for food, talking about we getting semi turnt, gonna get some cocktails etc etc (not too drunk as we did have the kids). At that time I thought ‘yeah live, good food, some liquor, her friend goes home…do the madness.’ However couple hours later, both kids are sleeping…and so are both of these adults. Now usually when Lo prematurely knocks out on me, she gets awoken by slow kisses creeping up her thigh and she has this inner battle with herself (let Ryan drain the last bit of energy I have in me as he tries to remove my soul or roll over, cross my legs and hand him this L). However last night, I decided I wasn’t going to put her in that position of making such a hard decision (although it shouldn’t be so hard to make KMT take the D ffs) as I thought about her past couple days…. She fully deserved the sleep she was currently having.
So let me rewind back a couple of days.
Saturday, Lo had an away game in Cardiff. She woke up at the crack of balls to meet the team and travel down. (Leaving me to deal with both kids before my quarter final butttt in all fairness its usually her in this position and good ol Jane Jenner Kardashian was 4 doors away, waiting to take the kids off me.) Now if you really need to, you can google maps Manchester to Cardiff… it aint no short hop on the bus. Plus if you are reading this and you have experienced any type of English basketball, you already know they were not travelling in luxury; think sardines in a tin. Which im pretty sure for Lo, who has zero flexibility in her hips and the knee joints of a seasoned prostitute that the journey down was a myth. Anyway, Lo played her game and I followed on live stats. I hit her up after to congratulate her on the win especially as she bagged herself 13 points and 20 rebounds. 20 REBOUNDS!....you know how hard it is to grab 20 rebounds in one game (all you 7ft readers shut the fuck up, light work for you I know). [IF BASKETBALL ISNT YOUR THING SKIP FROM HERE…. ] Career first for her, she aint neverrrrr been one to chase down rebounds, however she has fully embraced her new role on this team. After being asked, pressured and begged to come back to basketball Lo finally decided she would get back in to ball. (Truth be told, I knowwwww she had missed playing, plus the thought of being on court with her long time friend Georgia was always sealing the deal but course she had to pro-long and act badgyallo about It lol). I did think, where is she gonna play, her squad has a Great Britain Point guard and Centre, a legit 3 man, some good shooters all of which have half a season of being on the team and no pregnancy-bounce back. I know Lo would come off the bench if need be but I know it would burn, plus LO GETS BUCKETS, that’s all she knows how to do. How the fuck was she gonna come in and not be the bucket getter??? As expected, she came back and dropped buckets (18pts I think) first game, but her coach needed her to play role of distributor/defender/energy man. Now skip forward a few weeks of confusion, anger and adjustment and here is 5 ft 10 ½ Badgyallo, defending 6 ft 3 in the post. She has gone from giving the in and out right hand dribble, pull up from the wing to turn around baseline jumpshots in the post (She picked this move up from me). [IF YOU SKIPPED EARLIER, START READING AGAIN HERE] Lo told me that she spoke to the team and said today I want 10 rebounds, however at half time she only had 3. At this moment she decided naw fuck this im hitting my goal, fucked around and finished with double what she initially wanted to get. 32 minutes of graft... 2 months ago 32 seconds of running the floor would have been an issue for her lungs but hats off to her…shes back
…however this wasn’t the only thing that warranted her 10pm knock out
Sunday morning, again at the crack of balls (by no decision of our own – thanks Hendrix) we are up. Lo is getting both the kids ready and im making breakfast. The past few weeks due to work, basketball and other commitments we hadn’t had family time properly. The squad had been broken up, either I was with the kids, or she was, or me and her was together no kids etc. Lo was adamant we was having a day together, so we planned a day trip to the zoo.
Without going into every single detail of the day just know we had a really really good time. We discovered our favourite animal (the Onaega), which was only our fave because it sounded like OH NIGGA…and by we… I mean me and Leyanah. Lo had to deal with me and Ley obnoxiously shouting OH NIGGA! And BABY OH NIGGA! At the top of our voices for about 15 mins, embarrassed as shit trying her hardest not to laugh. Hendrix who has been dealing with teething and a mad teething rash that’s covered half his face was in good spirits. His first time having the stroller facing forwards…brand new fucking world for him it was, pure smiling all day. Lo had packed a cute little lunch for the kids aswell which resulted in carrot sticks and yogurt EVERYWHERE. Hendrix then upgraded to first class, strapped to my chest (lower back still hasn’t recovered) but that meant someone had to chase around Leyanah. She bounced
from lion cage to gorilla pit with a face painted as a pink butterfly, hyped up on sugar from the 2 licks of the £2.50 ice cream she made me buy her for her; to then say she didn’t want (FOR FUCK SAKE! She owes me £2.50 from her first newspaper round…think it’s a joke, cool, watch…got bills round here, about she here dashing away MAGNUM ice creams like they them fucking shitty little milk stick things KMT – rant over).
Of courseeeee Ley wanted to see the Tigers, which were the complete other side of the zoo, with about 20 mins before closing and some dead map in my hand that already had us lost twice lmao. Ley wants and pretty much ley gets, so we two-stepped that bitch to the tigers and made it out before being locked in. (Must say, shout out to Leyanah for not losing her mind in the souvenir shop and leaving daddy broke). Car ride home, kids knocked, Lo drafting up her next blog, me day-dreaming of the food waiting for us at Jane Motherfucking MVP Kardashian’s house.
For those who have Lo’s snapchat you probably already saw the latest episode of baby brain lmao. Lo absolutely exploding, it seemed funny as fuck because she had used the big mouth filter but I saw the pain in her eyes. Lo had jumped up early (yes, crack of balls) battled with Ley in the shower, juggled with Hendrix and his breakfast, got Leyanah dressed and hair looking criss tings. To realise that it was HALF TERM… I was already at work by this point and I was feeling for her. Long ass weekend, I knowwww she would have preferred to still be in bed and after the zoo im sure if left alone the kids would have happily slept away until at least 9am (yes, 9am... that’s a fucking lay in for us… 9). However they was up now. I was expecting a shit load of whatsapp’s talking about how Henni is aggy and Ley Ley wont co-operate and why the fuck is it half term but instead I received a shit load of images. All of Leyanah at the table with worksheets (where the fuck did these worksheets come from?). Im talking legit, draw over the dots to spell words, match the numbers, cut out the heart and stick it where it’s supposed to go worksheets. BadgyalloDaClass was in session. Lo told me she wasn’t letting no half term disrupt the learning lol. She fully flipped the situation and both kids were loving their lives.
Ontop of that, Lo had turned into Gordon Ramsay, in fact no, there was less swearing, Jamie Oliver…
She had cooked up a homemade carrot, gravy, mash potato ting for Hendrix. Now for those who don’t know, Hendrix has a massive sweet-tooth. So the Aldi or Asda baby meal packets have been doing well. They usually have some veg secretly hiding in a mix of sweet potato or apple sauce or some mad mix. The 'old Lo' didn’t want to attempt the cook up her own ting. What if it wasnt done properly, too salty, too thick too soon? Plus in all fairness the store bought stuff seemed to be working. Ok the savoury ones he absolutely didn’t check for and the spoon sometimes had to be pre-dipped in apple desert to fool him into opening his mouth but on the whole he is turning into a little tank. So if aint broke why fix it? However something today made Lo think naw im gonna have a crack at it. After work when I met the guys for food (after they were at the airport pub – cus ley lovessssss planes) she brought out the little travel dish with this BadgyalBabyFood in. He absolutely killed it. Like cussed if the spoon didn’t come to his mouth quick enough. The savoury war had been won! She was well chuffed and I was proud of her. Skip forward, we home and ley had asked to go to bed. (This is also a major thing, ley usually negotiates… and I mean negotiates… for an extra 5 mins or when the clock is pointing here or daddy you said we would watch a movie or anything but lets go bed. However today, at 8.45pm it was can I go bed please?) So again, hats off to you babe, all the learning and playing and plane spotting had sent this tazmanian devil to bed early. Which naturally I was pleased about; the cock blocking game has gotten so much harder to win now we have two players against us. Little man tried a ting but eventually got him asleep too. All I had to do now was sip two two drink, kick back, wait for Kaya to go home and get the madness popping. I walk in the lounge…well you remember how this blog post
She deserved the zed’s though, so I left her to sleep in peace.
Then this morning we woke up with notifications from the Women’s British Basketball League as Lo has made it into the 'All Star 5 of the Week Team' for her 13 points and 20 rebounds. It made me realise two things…
1. I was going to gas up her life today
2. There’s a good lesson here to share that might not get shared if I don’t say it, as Lo will not blow her own trumpet. In amongst all that happened over the past 72ish hours. I noticed that anything Lo set herself to do, and approached with confidence. It worked out really well. She never second guessed herself once and it lead to career firsts, Hendrix food firsts, Good quality family time and National recognition.
So im gonna do like a Jerry Springer end of the show thing here and say go out and do some shit. Do it with confidence, no mater what it is and shit should turn out just fine, if not better.
Lo, babe…. You are the real MVP, I love you so much. You done all the above and maintained perfect fleeky eye brows and even rocked the ‘mom-bun’ and still looked sexy as fuck doing it. I admire you daily Xxx