GURL... You Been Dicknotised

I recently went out with da hubby and my bestie Rachel (yesssss i finally got out the fuckin house away from that teething kid of mine), we went to watch 3 Shots of Tequilla Live. If you guys have not listened to these podcasts i think you should, they are VERY real and VERY funny. They speak on all sorts from relationships, to sex, explaining why men are sometimes pieces of shits, its a great listen (here's the link).  Anyway, while at the show they do a segment where the audience can ask anything they want, some of the questions were wild. One dude asked "Is it okay to sleep with my boys younger sister who just turned 19?" ERMMM no fam, it is not okay that's supposed to be your boy KMT. Then the conversation moved to this one guy who was sleeping with this chick, they described her as a 9/10. Basically he slept with her one night then the following day told her he needed to go gym took her with him to the gym where she proceeded to wait in the car for a hour while he lifted. Well, no woman in the room could believe that my girl waited in the car for a hour while my man went and lifted. Thats when, of course, Ryan shouted "When you piping the pum pum right, a chick will do anything". Anyway this sparked a big discussion about chicks being 'Dicknotised'. Basically hypnotised by good sex; if he is laying it down right, us women will allow anything. Every woman in the room including myself thought BULLSHIT, then i sat there and thought..."I have been asking Ryan to put his damn washing away for a week now but...umm mmmmm that sexy time he gave me last night" GURLLLLL...You know what, forget the washing babe.

SO, ladies is this true?

HELLLL YEAH its fuckin true.

Do you know how much shit Ryan gets away with now I think about it because i am well and truly Dicknotised. This whole time i thought I was just in love and you know, his good looking face, when in actual fact its his D. Ladies if you have been "seeing" (and i say seeing in quotes because everyone's definition of seeing someone is totally different) a guy and he's gone to the club with his mandem and he hits you up at 2am texting your phone talking about "Babe, I'm going to come round yours when the club is finished. You got any food?". GURLLLL if you proceed to answer that door at 3am with a plate of food in your hand, your teeth brushed, Pum Pum shaved, some sexy pjs my friend are Dicknotised. Lets be real, if his sex game was wack sauce his text would have been left double blue ticked on whats app and you would have rolled over with your stank breath, took your arse back to sleep and thought "this dude got a nerve texting me at 2 am with his little willy."

Some chicks will drive from city to city for some good D, chicks are willing to put mileage on their moms car just because the D is that good. Females are also willing to catch a flight for some good D. Do not get me wrong, there are some chicks that will catch flight just for a Chanel bag, which i personally don't understand, babe you aint even getting good D? I can go spain and get a Chanel bag of the looky looky man. Basically all I'm trying to say is, if men knew the power they had over us...sometimes they would use it wisely.

I sometimes think that men get Dicknotised confused with 'catching feelings'. There's some guys out there that have the audacity to tell us women, "babe i think you're catching feelings." I just have to laugh. Some men really put their 'whole self' on a pedestal. DO NOT flatter yourself babe, you have the personality of a dead fish. Ain't no one coming around here so often for conversation about world peace, we are dicknotised, we came for one thing and one thing only.

Being dicknotised ain't so bad though. I know it shifts the balance of power to him but sometimes you got to give to receive. Especially if that receiving is multiple orgasms. Plus half of the time these men don't even know they got us dicknotised so don't sweat it. Just understand the difference between being in love and being dicknotised, before you fall in love with a man only giving you 3am D.

Take it for what it is baby girl and for now just watch that D swing, left...right...left...right...feel your eyes getting heavier...feel yourself getting sleepy....Now when I snap my gonna make him a sandwich, thank him for that nut and send him home PumPumnotised!!

What? You thought this hypnotic shit was one way only... 

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published