I am a new mother as you can see and what an experience this last 6 months has been. I am going to keep it real with you, after i came back from the hospital, in the first two weeks i thought to myself…WTF have i done? What have i got myself into? I'm not mother material, I'm doing everything wrong. I didn't think i was built for all the crying, shitty diapers, the long nights, trying to sort out a routine and in the mist of that, not neglecting Leyanah (thats my bonus daughter... aka step daughter but i hate the word step - sounds so shit). Now 6 months on I'm like shhhhhhheeeet i was made for this. I haven't killed him so i must be good at this mom thing after all. Don't get me wrong I still have my days here and there where I want to punch a wall and/or put the kids in the Bin...lol.
I like to think of motherhood being made up of moments, 98% of them moments are just shit, yeah i said it shit, literally. Washing clothes (that are usually....YEP you guessed it, covered in shit). Washing bottles, making bottles, doing the school run, being covered in sick all damn day. BUT that 2%..... OHHH yeah, that 2% makes it all worth it. When Leyanah comes up to me and says "LoLo I love you, can i have a cuddle?", when i go into Hendrix's room in the morning and his little face lights up, watching both kids grow up and flourish into these amazing mini humans, definitely trumps all the shit.
When i was pregnant i started reading this one book about "how to be a good mom", the book basically told me ‘Do’s and Don’ts' to do with raising your child. Don't let your child cry it said, ERM no Sandra, Hendrix will be crying, its good for his lungs. She also emphasised that YOU SHOULD breast feed and if you don't that’s NOT good. WELL Sandra babe…I did breast feed and I put so much pressure on myself from what I had read that I stopped producing milk…so I had to bottle feed. Does this make me a bad mom according to the book? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying if you are someone that has read all the books, step by step, that I think this is wrong. I’m just saying this reading every chapter of every book thing wasn't for me. NO two kids are the same and NO two mothers are the same either. How you do things with your child may not be how I want to do things with my child. So I put the book down (by down I mean in the bin…outside. She offended me...told you I was dramatic).
The way I now parent is completely based on my life experiences and all the DOPE ass mothers I have been lucky enough to be around. Starting with the real MVP; Jane Thomas-Johnson. Thats my mother, everyone thinks there mother is the best EVER and as they should because THEY ARE! My mom is just the REALEST, she is legit the glue that keeps our family together and the most selfless human being on the face of this planet. My friends and I call her Kris Jenner because my mom always gets shit done. Want court side tickets to a NBA game? Ask Jane she will sort it. Need a new iPad? My mom will have some sort of swindle to get that for you. One of my best friends Steph Gandy is a fucking incredible mother. She brings the toughness and boundaries all kids most definitely need. My cousin Amanda is a mother that lets her daughter express herself in whichever inventive, creative way she has decided she wants to do so. Which has now resulted in her daughter being one of the most intelligent 10 year olds I know. There's also my cousin Iyecha who has the wickedest relationship with her baby father’s girlfriend and has done so from the start because she knew that it was best for her daughter. (All my London based mommies, she’s an amazing beautician and I think i’ll plug her business riiiiggghttttt here)
Nothing can fully prepare you to be a new mother. 5 godchildren, 1 cousin and a bonus daughter later and I still wasn’t ready when Hendrix arrived. However I made a decision that I was going to try and take the best pieces from the other mothers I had luckily been around that I felt had good attributes. I would piece it together and make myself a big jigsaw of motherhood.
Being a mom isn't all unicorns, fairies and nursery rhymes. I am yet to meet a kid that doesn't cry, wine, moan, scream or talk back. Some days are harder than others, some days you just wanna throw in the towel because your child has defeated you and you know what IT’S OKAY to say this shit is hard. The HARDEST job on the planet if you ask me.
So mommies if you need to scream, go ahead, if you need to punch the air like a psycho, DO IT! let that bitch out. if you need help DO NOT be ashamed to ask. "YOU TIME" is still very essential. Wether that be just a bath with less rubber ducks and more bath bombs or a night out on the town with your girls. This doesn't make you a bad mom it makes you human.
You ain’t raising a machine, so why expect yourself to be one?