Before I dive into this post I want to state for the record that the situation for all parties involved Ryan, Ley’s mother, Leyanah and myself has/is very difficult and I am simply writing this from my point of view as a bonus parent. So I would like you to read this with a open mind.
When I met Ryan back in 2014 and he told me he had a daughter and I will be honest I thought "OH NO, not this again". This is because my ex had two children from two previous relationships and when it came to me the "new girlfriend" I was completely kept seperate from his children for three years.... OH and he lived in America (just to make the situation even more exciting). He liked to keep everything in its own lane, he liked to keep work as work, family as family and not over lap them. Which now in hindsight I get that 100%. Obviously the distance was one of the biggest issues in our relationship, this was something that was different to him, he was used to having his girlfriends on his door step, not 3,000 miles away. He had just recently spilt from the mother of his second child and meeting me was was not something we had planned (never is...kmt). Also at the time I was not the easiest person to be with i was a psycho, damaged goods from my previous relationship so this didn't help the us at all. (I was a legit maniac lol BUT i will leave that for another post). At the time I didn't get it. Why doesn't he want me to be in his children's life? He says he wanted to be with me for the long haul, so why am I being kept in a box? I now realise that introducing someone to your child is a BIG BIG BIG fucking deal. Being damaged goods I was immature and had my head up my arse, I was just dying for someone to love me like a hollywood movie. Obviously that relationship came to an end.... enter Ryan Lewis and Leyanah-Renaè.
When Ryan and I eventually became official I wanted to handle this situation totally different than my past. I was fully aware he came with Leyanah and I told myself from the start that I wanted to treat his daughter with nothing but love and everything needed to be for Leyanah. I needed to put my feelings, my wants, my needs to the side and do what was best for his daughter. This is pretty much how I MOM, if it isn't going to benefit my kids in a positive way... BUHHBYE! I don't have time for it. Ryan and I got together in the November 2014 and I was introduced to Leyanah in the April 2015. YES, just 5 months later, but Ryan and I had already put a deposit down on a new build apartment and we knew our future. WE KNEW it was very ‘quick’. Our relationship moved very fast, not a lot of people could keep up, to be honest I don't know why people were trying. I have always found this concept funny, just because you have only known someone a short amount of time, that relationship is not real? Longevity sometimes means nothing you can be with some on for 20 years and they might cheat on you. The same way you could be friends with some one for 10 years and they turn their back on you in a instant. Anyway, I didn't want to meet Leyanah until I met her mother first. I wanted to sit down with her and tell her dead in her face that I did not want to come in and try and take her place. She will always and forever be Leyanah's mother and I wanted to make that very clear. I think some people see mine and Ryan's social media's and think I am trying to be Leyanahs mother or because Ryan writes a little caption on instagram about me being in Leyanah’s life thats me trying to take her mothers place, NEVER. From day one Ley had always called me LoLo. Like any other child she tries it sometimes and calls me Mommy, especially since Hendrix has arrived, but I reinforce that I'm LoLo not mommy. TRUST me I'm a mother now, NO other woman is about to take credit for that shit, did you see how massive I was when I was pregnant? NAW I was NOT the size an elephant for someone else to take credit. Obviously at that time I wasn't a mother, so how I viewed certain situations was me assuming, trying to put myself in the other persons shoes. But now I'm a mother, and looking back on that situation I can honestly say, FUCKIN HELL i take my hat off to her, that must have been so unbelievely hard for Leyanahs mother to have to sit down across from the "new" girl that is now with her ex of 3/4 years to talk about me being in her daughters life, thats a fucking lot to digest.
After I had met Leyanah it was agreed by all parties that we would ease Leyanah into mine and Ryan's relationship. Thats not how it went at all. Ryan and myself got caught up in the relationship, you all know how it goes the "honeymoon" period when you want to spend every waking breath together. I also I got so caught up in wanting to build the best relationship I possibly could with Leyanah and within being so consumed with my new relationships I didn't keep my word to her mother. After we had previously spoke, all parties agreed for it to be a slow and steady transition for Leyanah into our relationship... BUT that very next weekend I went over to Birmingham to see Ryan and obviously spent time with Ley and thats how it went from there. I was so caught up, which was selfish in some aspects but I was the happiest I had ever been. I think me trying to build a relationship with Leyanah is what propelled mine and Ryan's relationship even more to be honest she was such an amazing toddler. However if i could take anything back it would be this. I hold my hands up, I fucked up, I gave her mother my word and totally went against it, not intentionally but still...
...So haters do not think this post is a LAUREN thinks she's the fuckin best because I have just listed some of my fuck ups (trust there’s been a lot in the two years…but hey I’m human, I’m learning as I go). I just want to show that i am by no means perfect I'm just trying to do whats best. My cousin who I have mentioned before was in the exact same position as Leyanahs mother. To watch her relationship with the 'new girlfriend' flourish and to see her daughter become such an amazing little human, being loved by all parties, this truly gave me inspiration. I hate the whole 'baby momma drama', 'my baby daddy is a waste man', 'new girlfriend should not check for the child' stereotype. I don't understand why the situation has to be so complicated. I look at it this way, how would I want someone to care for my child if I wasn't there. God forbid Ryan and myself was to separate (its never fuckin happening he will grow old and see my saggy 70 year old ass walking out of the bedroom) I would hope the "new" girlfriend was to treat my children as their own with nothing but love and respect. I'm hoping me writing this and explaining the situations I have been through potentially helps someone else out there. This is a tough situation for all parties, we are all constantly growing and changing. However the toughest situations can create some of the most beautiful things. Honestly it has been a very rocky road, things have been said in the heat of the moment that can't be changed but I don’t want to take away from anyone involved. It’s taken sacrifice, compromise and self-growth to make this work. Personally I have been put under a microscope when it came to my involvement with Leyanah, pretty much felt like damned if I do damned if I don't at times. Again I commend all parties for raising such a dope ass child.
As Leyanah's bonus mother I just want what’s best for her. I have been in her life since she was 1 and a half and immediately fell in love with the amazing personality she has. I want her when she’s older to be able to say at every birthday her parents were there and blew her candles out with her. I don't want her to have a situation where no one can stand to be in the same room together. (I have a friend who is 35 and his parents still to this day can't stand to be in the room together and the bonus mother was never bothered/interested in building a relationship with him and because of that it affected his relationship with his father). I want Ryan to give Leyanah away at her wedding, for us to line up in the family photo.
When it comes to me as a bonus parent I just want the best for Ley, I want her to be 100% happy, 100% loved and for her to 100% know no matter where her mother, father, Hendrix or her LoLo are on this planet, we love her very very much.