While Hendrix napped the other day I tidied my whole house and I thought I would treat myself to a movie while he slept (he’s not been sleeping at night so I knew this nap was going to be a long one). I was so excited to see Sex and The City 2 on Netflix. If you know me, then you know Sex and the City is one of my all time favourites. This movie came out in 2010, 8 years later I’m watching this movie again and I can’t believe how different my view has changed now I’m watching it at 30. Back in 2010 I was finishing up my final year in university, running around campus like a crazy woman. Once leaving Marquette I was then running around the world playing ball searching for someone to just fuckin love me. We all know you can’t go looking for love, yet we have all been on the search at some point. Jump to 2015 where Ryan No Middle Name Lewis fell into my WhatsApp with NO intention of loving me, yet four years later, 3 kids (is it weird I still class my angel baby as mY baby?), a dog (who lives with my mum, LONG story), a house and 3 broken beds later (again a long...and much more fun story) we are completely head over heels makes me sick sometimes in love with one another.
Anyway back to the movie. I know, I know, ‘it’s just a movie Lauren calm your tits’ but just hear me out. Now I’m in a solid relationship I watched the movie with such a different point of view. Before when I watched and I heard them talk about marriage, making your own rules in your relationship, and the “sparkle”. I didn’t have a fuckin clue what they were talking about. Back in 2010 I was watching the movie as a 22 year old naive to love fan. Whereas today I watched the movie and felt that shit. I never wanted to get married before I met Ryan, just didn’t think marriage was for me if I’m honest. Where now I’m like “when is this guy going to ask me to be his wife KMT”. I want to be Mrs Lewis.... OMG who the fuck am I?!
There’s a part in the movie where Carrie and Big are talking about the “sparkle”, we all know what this is. It’s that fire, that desire, that crave and need for one another. I will 100% admit that Ryan and I lost our sparkle, me being a depressed Debbie for a year and a half didn’t really help, but yeah it was gone. We argued more than we had sex, we only had time for the kids. Until March this year, where we decided after losing the baby to work hard on our “sparkle”. When you’re in a relationship with kids things can get hard and you don’t have the luxury of endless time together. We now have two giant cock blocks we have to try and dodge and weave. We have gone from lovely planned dates out on the town, coming home and having sex all night to, quick the kids are napping get to the bedroom GO GO GOOOOOO. Literally having sex when you have kids is like a military operation. “The nuggets are cooking, the kids are in the bath... meet me in the bedroom in NOW100hours.”
However, we now make time for one another, with no hesitations; we make a conscious effort on the “sparkle.” If that means something else has to sacrifice then so be it, because our sparkle deserves to be a little higher on the priority list.
Finally, there was a part in this movie that resonated with me deeply. Charlotte is having a hard time being a mother of two and she is trying to act like everything is okay and she has her shit together, when really she is at breaking point. She was baking cupcakes for her oldest daughter while trying to calm the screaming baby down, her eldest child isn’t listening and comes over and puts icing all over her vintage Valentino skirt. While I can’t relate to that, because I don’t own Valentino, I can relate to when the kids spill something down my freshly washed H&M jeans and I just want to scream. Anyway she leaves the kids crying and she just locks herself in the cupboard in the kitchen and cries. NOW THIS is where I FELT that shit. I have locked myself in the toilet on many occasions and just cried my heart out feeling overwhelmed with motherhood. Later on in the movie she has a sit down with Miranda who is also a mother. Miranda tells her to say whatever it is she is feeling inside and is too afraid to say out loud because she doesn’t want to be judged. Charlotte went on to say she needs a fuckin break sometimes the kids are too much. One is always crying and the other just has no chill but she feels guilty for thinking these things. Again I FELT THAT SHIT, some days I need a break from Hendrix and Leyanah. Together Henni and Ley are like a hurricane there’s no stopping them and they are going to destroy my house and give zero fucks while doing it. Sometimes I just need to be alone, no Ryan, no kids. I LOVE being a mom but I have said it before and I will say it again; I NEED A BREAK SOMETIMES, THIS MUM SHIT IS HARD AF!!
Again I know it’s ‘just a movie’ but today watching it and feeling it, reassured me that these feelings aren’t new. These topics were just as prevalent 8 years ago as they are now. The difference is a lot has changed in the past 8 years of my life, some good, some bad, some amazing. Each change has come with a lesson and from that lesson I am growing every day. I see these hairy fairy memes on Instagram everyday about growth having some sort of ending and that’s bollocks. I’m 30 and I’m only just touching the surface when it comes to my growth as a mother, daughter, girlfriend, all around badgyal 😏.