Why The Wait?...

I must get asked every day, ‘When are you having another baby?’ Is this like the law that you have to ask a woman right after she’s popped the first one out, when she’s having the next? Granted it’s been two and a bit years since we had Hendrix but shiiiiiiiiiiiit can I have a moment? Can my body shrink back first? Can I get use to this new body? Can my tits stop hurting? Can I finally drink a coffee warm? Now, for all those people that have popped out a baby right after having their first.... MY HAT GOES OFF TO YOU because how?????? How are you doing this? You’re like a legit super hero to me. I genuinely don’t know how you’re doing it and looking so good at the same time. For me personally I want to wait. I know EVERYONE says to me “don’t leave it too long between babies...” but in my head I’m thinking bruhhhhh my child is still shitting in the bath & shitting on the damn step he uses to reach the sink and clean his teeth. In all honesty, I am absolutely NOWHERE near ready to have another baby and that’s okay! 

It’s actually crazy, Hendrix saved me and taught me so much in these past few years. Having Hendrix was super traumatic. I almost died while having him, which you know isn’t what you think of when you’re pregnant for all those 36 years. No one thinks YES in 9 months I hope my labour is fuckin awful and traumatic. Well, everything that could have went wrong...went wrong. I ended up having an emergency c-section, we both caught infections whilst in labour and Hendrix had to have a lumbar puncture when he was only 2 days old. If you don’t know what a lumber puncture is ... 
‘Lumbar puncture; also known as a spinal tap, is a medical procedure in which a needle is inserted into the spinal cavity. The main reason for a lumbar puncture is to help diagnose diseases of the central nervous system, including the brain and spine.’ 
He was taken away from me and I wasn’t allowed to go with him, so for 7 hours I was sat in my hospital room losing my fucking mind. Then once we got back from the hospital, I just felt extremely overwhelmed and that’s when my battle with post natal depression started. 

This is also why I’m a little reluctant to have another baby right away. They say (you know wiki doctor 🤣) if you have had post natal depression once you will most likely get it again. Which as much as I know I will be more aware of it next time, I just don’t want to feel that low again. Even though after two years I do feel so much better mentally, it was a long time coming and selfishly I don’t want to face those type of feelings yet. I guess if I was to deal with PND again I would know exactly what to do as soon as it hits and not deny it from myself for 7 months. I am now from experience better equipped to handle it but the memory of that experience leaves me in no rush to place myself back there.

Another reason we want to wait is because earlier this year we had a miscarriage. The whole experience although fuckin awful did provide a little angel baby that somewhat saved our relationship. However since that all happened we just want to enjoy Hendrix, Leyanah and each other before we add another little savage. 
So while I appreciate everyone asking me because they want to see my crazy family grow bigger, MOM & DAD are not quite ready for another savage to add to the existing savagery just yet. 

So as much as I do and we most definitely will have more babies, it won’t be next week. Every time the kids do some cute shit that makes my ovaries do back flips they do some savagery that has my ovaries like ‘naw bruhhh we good’.....
PLUSSSSSSS Hendrix pissed on my floor twice today so potty training is slowly making me want to put the one I already have in the bin.

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