I am very lucky to be blessed with such strong women in my life. I like to class my self as a pretty strong woman. I don't take shit from anyone, especially after being in a mentally and physically abusive relationship. I would probably say that situation helped me to become this strong woman i like to think I am. I was young, naive and craved a man to love me, so anything he would do or say whether that be good or bad I thought this was out of love. He mentally manipulated me to think I wasn't good enough, for him. He made me think my body was ugly (and now i have had a baby TRUST me my body was popping back then), he decided what I wore, not me. If we argued he would put his hands on me. It wasn't until I found out this piece of shit had been cheating THE WHOLE ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP thats when the inner Badgyal came out. Let's just say...I FUCKED HIS SHIT UP. Enough was enough, I was sick and tired of this bastard making me feel this way. As I'm petty as FUCK I went on a rampage around his apartment. I threw all the groceries he had bought that day for both of us out, about 300 euros worth out the window...BUUUUHHHBYE (he lived on the 6th floor). I cut all the toes out off all his socks...he had socks no toes tho. Cut up all his shoe laces...he had shoes but no laces. I cut the logo aka the Nike logo, the adidas logo...GONE from all his T-Shirts, he had shirts but NO logo, just a big hole... yeah I'm THEEE pettiest...OHHHH and i smashed the HP computer he had just for good measure. This is where I read that he had been on Skype flashing his dick to any chick that was interested. I was done with this boy making me feel like i was the one in the wrong when really he was just a waste man. I swore that I was never going to let another male or anybody make me feel like this ever again and from that day thats helped me to find my strength. Since then though I can honestly say I find my strength in all the women I have around me. I like to live by the quote 'the grass maybe greener but there's shit in every field'. Myself and the woman I call my friends all have been through some shit thats what makes us who we are. Some of the life experiences my friends and family have been through make me sometimes sit back and think, wow... wow how do these woman get up in the morning? How are they this strong?! How are they this brave on a day to day basis? Its incredibly inspiring. I literally have the bravest and strongest women in my life and I'm so lucky to call them friends and family. My best friend back in 2008 was taken into hospital with excruciating pains in her stomach. Long story short, one of her kidneys had stopped working long time ago and decided 'naw babe its the end of the road for us' and needed to be removed immediately. After going through such major surgery and being told she would be off the basketball court for at least 8/10 weeks she was back in 4 weeks... yes 4 weeks she was back ballin...BADGYAL! There are four sisters in Manchester, I'm privileged to call two of them my best friends. They lost their mother on Christmas Eve 2010. When I tell you these girls are a true fucking inspiration to me, they are both the definition of strong and brave. I never hear them moan about anything, they don't wallow in self pity, they truly make their mother so proud every single day. Recently one of my family members lost their little baby to Edwards Syndrome. For someone who wanted a baby so bad to have to experience such tragedy BUTTTT remain so positive makes me so unbelievably proud to call this person family. There is Leyanah's Mother who is currently dealing with her unwell father/best friend in hospital, working stupid hours and still manages to take Leyanah to see Beauty and the Beast opening weekend. On top of that she's an incredible blogger, you all should check out her blog, she's good with the words. Such a great role model for Leyanah. THEN there's my MOTHER. THIS WOMAN.... GIRLS i know i have spoke about my mother before in a previous blog but this woman right here is strength. First of all she's married to my dad and she's my mom. That in itself deserves a medal because me and my dad are the same person; an absolute handful. She has worked & grafted since she was 14 years old, been in the same job and worked her way up to the top of the ranks for the past 40 years. Comes home makes a house a home, lets her only child move to america at 16 to pursue her dream. She always has my back everytime I ever fucked up (iI have fucked up a lot). I just look at her in awe sometimes. This 5 foot 5, little blonde lady is fuckin amazing and she's MY MOTHER... how lucky am I? I myself have been at rock bottom. I have been so unhappy and so angry with my life i was so negative. My mindset saw the glass half empty all the time. I wallowed in self pity and made everything about myself. When in actual fact it wasn't all about me, my attitude was affecting others. I will never forget I was playing a basketball game, I was playing shit and I was cussing the refs which ended up in me getting a technical foul (all those that don't know basketball - that isn't good). I remember Rachel turning around to me after the game and saying 'You have kids here watching you, they look up to you and you're acting like a dick. I can't watch you like this, its embarrassing, go home and have a think.' YOU KNOW WHAT she was so right. It was disgusting how i had been behaving because I had become so negative and vile it had got to a point where it was affecting others. After everything Rachel had been through, it would have been easy for her to pat me on the back an be like "naw fuck it you be mad, fuck everyone else be as angry as you want", you know misery likes company, but she didn't. She told me to fix up (another reason why i fuckin love my her and all my friends, they don't sugar coat shit, they keep it all the way real whether I like it or not). It was then I realised fixing my attitude and being strong isn't just for me, its for all the little girls watching me play ball, its for my best friend who's watching me ball, its for my family. So when you are at a low and you feel like you have hit rock bottom don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself by thinking you are not strong enough to endure whatever it is you are going through. YOU ARE! The universe never handed you something you can't deal with. Look around you and I bet you are surrounded by good examples. Surrounded by those who have been in similar positions, those who have overcome worse than what you are dealing with. Surrounded by strong women that you can gain confidence and motivation from by just momentarily putting yourself in their shoes. It can be very easy to think that the world only revolves around you and your shit situation but that this world is precisely placed on top of your head. Thinking like this can weigh you down and make things seem 10x worse than it actually is. Sometimes stepping outside of the box you are in, thinking of others, taking positivity from those around you can result in you saying 'wtf am i tripping about?'. Before you know it, shit isn't so bad and you realise that YOU yourself are a strong woman. Little do you know that in doing this most likely someone else around you is currently using you as their example of strengh. That Is Strength....At least I think so.
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